I joined Diane and her efforts at TAALK in 2009 when i had considered starting a non profit here in CA with the same focus as the non profit I co-founded in Iceland with my sister. The purpose was to find a way to educate the public about child sexual abuse and how to prevent it.

After having met Diane a few times and found that our hearts were on the same path and we had similar believes about what it would take to prevent child sexual abuse, I decided to join her.
It has been a wonderful experience and I have learned a lot from Diane and her dedication to making the world a better place. So I felt privileged that she asked me to start up the TAALK-a-thon with her talking about facts and figures about child sexual abuse. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/taalk Like the name of my not so active blog, speak4change I am always excited to talk about my passion for prevention and change. I hope you tune in and pass on the information that you will learn in the 24 hrs that the show will go on. Thank you, we are stronger together!

I was happy to participate. Here is the interview.

To tell you a little bit about Jaime Romo.  This is from his web site.  “I was sexually abused by my pastor as a teenager, memories of which lay buried for nearly 30 years. From the time I left seminary in 1984, I worked to bring social justice and the incarnation of God into the world through education. My PTSD leave of absence in 2006, before I began meditation, became my cocoon from my life of being a victim and survivor.”

Please visit his blog and web site and share with others.  He has created some wonderful tools for healing and support groups. Here is a link to his workbook for survivors .

I am honored to be interviewd on his blog and to know such a wonderful inspiring man.  Thank you Jaime for all that you do!

We are stronger together!

Svava

Oprah has a link on her web site where she asks if a guest on her show has impacted our life’s and I thought I would tell her how it impacted me and my life.  I mean, Oprah probably does not even view all the millions of emails and videos that get sent to her, but I believe in saying thank you and telling people that inspire you, when they do!

I will add the video here, but the gist of it was to summaries what blátt áfram does in Iceland to educate Icelanders how to prevent child sexual abuse and as a result teenagers are coming forward, children are disclosing abuse and adults are doing a better job of protecting their children. We also have actively used the media every year to create awareness.  It is actually pretty simple to prevent it once people know what to do, once you are open and willing to accept the facts that 1 out of every 4 girls and 1 out of every 6 boys are abused before they thy turn 18.  It is as simple as starting to talk about it, what it is, how it looks and feels like, and what to do if one suspects a child is being abused.  Of course if it was that simple more people would be putting policies in place and actively training any adult that works with children about prevention, but the greatest obstacle is denial!   People don´t know that they don´t know!  Are you willing to consider that you don´t know how to protect your child from sexual abuse?  The good news is that you can do something about it.  It is up to you!  If you would like to know what to do, please send me a note svavabb@gmail.com or look up a class in Iceland and www.blattafram.is or in CA at www.taalk.org

Thank you Oprah! Video

Thank you for your partnership in prevention!

At this point in my presentation I have shared some of the hard facts of child sexual abuse:

–        1 out of every 4 girls and 1 out of every 6 boys is abused before their 18^th birthday*

–        90% of abusers are someone that the child knows and the family trusts*

At this time, I have also mentioned that individuals that abuse children groom the family and the children they are targeting for abuse.  To emphasize my points, I share my personal story of sexual abuse from the age of 4 until I was a teenager.  I tell them that it is going to be tough to hear some of the things that I plan to share but I ask if they are willing to take responsibility for themselves while they are there by noticing if they start to feel uncomfortable, to keep breathing, and choosing to stay positive so they can learn something during our time together.  Even if they start to feel uncomfortable, afraid or start to question what I am saying, I make them agree to moving forward during the presentation by noticing how they are feeling, bringing it up in the discussion, but making sure they´re open to hearing what they can do to prevent child sexual abuse.

“Can you tell me more about why you are upset?”  I ask the man.  “You are making me uncomfortable by the thought that I should not trust the people closest to me and I may have to explain to them that I now have different rules on how I want them to interact with my children.  What are they going to think of me? I may upset them.”  I listened quietly and let the question hang there for a moment and then asked the man, “How do you feel about it?”  “I am just not sure what to think at the moment but I am feeling upset that I may have to ruffle some feathers in order to keep my kids safe.”

I am very grateful when I get someone courageous enough to be this honest in front of a group.  I thanked him as he kept asking questions.  I told him he was creating a learning moment for everyone in the room and the nodding of heads in agreement helped him to see that.  I had him thinking.  This was good!  Earlier,  after I asked everyone to introduce themselves and tell me what they wanted to learn from this presentation, I asked how many parents there were in the room or how many had children in their life’s they wanted to protect above anything else.

I asked them to set aside the professional role that brought them to this presentation but to think about how they address this issue in their home, with their kids and circle of influence.  How do they talk to their own kids in an age appropriate language about sexual abuse, what it is and what they should do if it happened?  Have they as parents and caregivers sorted out the feelings that will come up if your child admits abuse to you.  Do you know how to respond?  How you respond can make or break the child’s recovery and trust in you!

I know that I bring lots of bad news to my presentation but also good news.  The fact is that so many children are being abused, right now, because of fear and denial.  When we are told we may not be able to trust the people closest to us or the ones that look and act like family, we become afraid and want to deny it.  I am not trying to instill fear in people, but to tell them the truth in a straight forward way, with compassion and understanding and with real examples from my childhood and recovery.  When people get to acknowledge in a group that they are not alone in having these fears and that it is painful to hear someone talk about going through abuse, they see they are not alone and see that they can do something about it.  People are grateful and empowered!

What I hope to leave people with that come to one of my presentations is that they need to talk to their kids about child sexual abuse.  It doesn´t have to be perfect, your best effort is all that you need to start with.  Don’t expect your kids to come to you to talk about something they have never heard you talk about.  Not only do you need to know the words but also practice so that you are comfortable saying them in front of your children.  I did not know the words for what was happening to me as a child.  It started when I was so young that I did not know what to ask, or how to describe the abuse.  By the time I figured out that something was wrong, it had been going on for so long that I felt that I could not tell. I was too ashamed.  Don’t make that mistake!  If you are afraid and don’t know where to start, what questions to ask or how to talk to other adults, visit one of the organizations that I work with to learn more or look up our calendar for further trainings.

After the presentation the man came up and thanked me for this new information and he wrote down the names of a few of the books I brought to show him and others what is out there to help us talk about this tough topic.  He was grateful and I applauded him for his courage to challenge me and ask questions that perhaps others in the room were thinking but only he had the courage to ask!

Svava Brooks

sbrooks@taalk.org

*Darkness to Light

www.taalk.org – Information on child sexual abuse, recovery and prevention trainings in S-CA.

www.darknesstolight.org – Information on child sexual abuse prevention, online training and prevention training near you.

www.blattafram.is – Information on child sexual abuse prevention in Iceland.

I hope to see a little bit of it, since most of my time will be spent indoors.  I am going there to certify an instructor for Darkness to Light.  I will arrive in the middle of the day before the training so I am hoping to be able to go for a walk and explore.  Who knows perhaps I will find a Christmas  ornament for the tree that can represent my visit.

Training facilitators or certifying instructors is what I love the most, I think, of the jobs that I do, if you can call it that.  Or teach the teachers.  It has been since 2004 when I took my first Darkness to Light Stewards of Children training.  It was in December that I flew from Iceland to Charleston, SC to attend their first facilitator training.

I had found since I started a non-profit in Iceland with my twin sister in April of 2004 that we desperately needed a tool to educate people about child sexual abuse prevention.  We launched the non-profit by sending the 7 steps to protecting our children (available at www.darknesstolight.org) to every home in Iceland.  The hope was that people would start to talk about child sexual abuse.  At home, at work, with their kids, siblings, partners, friends etc.  What happened was, I started getting calls…  You are telling us to talk about this – no one wants to talk about  it  – can you come talk about it?  That was how my public speaking career started.

Then shortly after, when I found that Darkness to Light had another tool, the Stewards of Children training, I knew I had to learn about it.  My presentation, that I still do today, when people tell me they don’t have the time or money to do a 3 hr training for about $35, touches on all the things that are covered in the Stewards training but not with the same detail or comprehension.  Another difference is that I share my personal story and give people permission to ask me questions, any questions about my past, childhood trauma and recovery.  It usually leads to pretty good conversation and more often than not,  people do attend a training following my prevention presentation.  I leave them wanting to learn more.

I am obviously not in Iceland anymore but in CA.  Still working on prevention, getting the word out when I can and now that I have partnered up with Taalk I am finding myself a little more organized about moving things forward in CA.

My family still takes most of my time.  I am very happy to have the time with them, to be there for my kids is what truly gives me the greatest joy of all!

At any rate I am looking forward to meeting new people, seeing a new place and perhaps forming new friendships.  At least I will have more partners in prevention – and if for nothing else I am very grateful for that.  I believe that we can prevent child sexual abuse.  It will not happen over night, but we are slowly getting there.

Ever since I came back to the states in 2006 I have been on the lookout for a non-profit that I could join.  I was about to start my own, then found Diane Cranley the founder of TAALK.  www.taalk.org  Diane was already using Darkness to Light programs like I was doing in Iceland and her passion for prevention aligned with my vision.  I feel that there are too many non-profit organizations out there fighting for attention – we are stronger together.  I am very happy to be a part of TAALK.

Right now I am working on getting a community coalition going in San Diego, to give CSA it´s own voice.  There are organizations doing great things for children and adults but to me it feels too often that child sexual abuse prevention is a small item on the agenda.  I have found that I have enormous passion for this issue, for obvious reasons, and the drive to speak out on behalf of survivors and do a fairly decent job of empowering adults when I speak about prevention.

At any rate, I am back to it.  Feel ready to keep it going on variety of topics related to CSA and my own personal healing that I will share.  If you are someone that is interested with prevention, in helping TAALK or myself getting the word out, please let me know, I have a list of projects that can be done over the internet no matter where you are in the world.

If you have any feedback or suggestions like always I am open.  My goal for sharing this is to encourage people to get involved in prevention and to inspire other survivors to get help if they have not already and not give up on the long hard process.  Healing from trauma can be done – If I can do it – So can you!

Thank you for being here. My name is Svava Brooks and I am a survivor of CSA and I am truly excited to be here with you today. I think I can say after listening to Julie Brand yesterday that I am a resilient survivor.

I named my submission to the conference love is the lesson from one of my favorite quotes. After years of healing I realized that I was the one who needed to stop treating myself the way I had been treated, stop thinking about myself in a negative way and that I was the only thing standing in the way of receiving and experiencing love – Because I did not think that I could have it. So the lesson to Love myself, to know I deserve Love and that I can be loved by others and give love to others. I am going to share with you how I got there.

Having attended a few sessions here at the conference, I love hearing how important it is for us to tell our story, all of us have a story to tell.

Before I start I want to acknowledge that talking and listening to the topic of CSA is hard on all of us. It is painful and sad and us all being human, we have a natural human reaction to what we are hearing. I want to encourage you to pay attention to how you are feeling for the next 30 minutes. Please remember to breathe and stay grounded. If you start to feel uncomfortable, just notice and if you have a friend that you can talk to after I ask that you please do that for yourself.

I also want to tell you that that to the degree that you are comfortable or uncomfortable here, determines how open you are to the possibility of noticing signs of abuse in your life. So just notice and if you are uncomfortable, know that you are having a normal human reaction to something painful but you can do something about it.

So let’s all take a deep breath. Thank you!

I plan to tell you my story and how telling my story over the years has changed how I see and feel about myself, my story and my life. Today I am very grateful for my life – all of it. I am happily married, almost 15 years, to a survivor of sexual abuse and together we have 3 amazing children.

It has not been easy but I understand now, that it was all perfect and I needed this experience, and I needed to overcome my life experience, or to chose what I did as a result of my experience, to be of service to others and that is what I am here to do.

I want to say that what I am sharing here today is based on my personal experience, not based on scientific proof. You may not like all of what I have to say and that is fine. Please just take what you like and let the other things go. If nothing else I hope you at least will feel inspired to help with making this world a better place, because that is what I believe we can all do. One person at the time!

Telling my story has been the thread in all the work that I have done to heal myself over the last 15 years or so. I see it as the most important thing any one of us can do to start to understand ourselves and what has happened to us. The process of starting with just trying to find the courage to speak out loud about the unspeakable things that had been done to me and I felt responsible for, even as a little girl. How important just getting it out since the fact that not being able to tell anyone as a child, about what was going on in my home, was worse than the abuse itself. The body heals, but the thoughts and feelings that get left with a child; they fester and eventually get turned on oneself. Then after finally getting it out, speaking the words, realizing that there was a whole range of emotion attached to the story. Then the next phase of telling the story, slowly getting in touch with the feelings and emotions and expressing them. I did a lot of anger and emotional release work.

Then I found myself in this almost self righteous place of protecting my story and my victimhood. I became very attached to it, the processes and the people that supported me in expressing it. For a while I used it as a crutch. This, that or the other, relationship, health problem, financial mess was all because of my story or what had happened to me. The truth is some of it did, but I was acting like I still did not have a choice about it.

Don´t take me wrong this was all important for me to go through, a part of the healing process.

After a while I was able to be objective about my story. And this was important to do. To separate myself from who I thought I was.

I was not my story, it was things that had happened to me, that I was powerless over. Now however it was time to take my power back. To exercise the right I was born with, to choose. I started to choose how I told my story and recognize why I was telling my story. Was it an unmet need I had or did it have a purpose? The truth to me is that the only thing I have power over is myself and how I think, feel and behave. So I needed to take another look at what I thought and felt, about myself, my story, the world and the people in my life.

I started writing my life story again from scratch. I started with birth and up. I had to interview a couple of people since I don´t remember very much from my child hood, except the trauma and the pain. This time around, things started falling into place. I was ready to look at it from a different angle, without defending or protecting it. I was ready to learn from it. The true gift in this process was that I started feeling love and compassion – for myself first and then as a natural outcome for others, my children, my husband, my family, my community.

My mother was young when she got pregnant with me and I was the outcome of a date-rape. It was a scandal in the family and 6 weeks after my mother gave birth to me, I was sent to an orphanage where I stayed to the age of 7 months. My mother would come to the orphanage twice a day, in the morning and evenings, to feed me, so as you can imagine I have a very interesting relationship with food. She did not want to give me up, but a student she could not take care of me at home.

The first trauma I suffered was an unwanted child. I believe today that I knew coming into this world that I was not going to get the love I so much needed and wanted.

The 2^nd trauma was when I was placed in the orphanage at only 6 weeks. When the bonding and safe attachment is crucial for a child to its mother, I was left alone. As I see it, I was already pre-disposed to trauma and abuse when my stepfather came into my life at the age of 2. I was desperate for connection and touch.

I can only remember as young as age 4 and that is when the sexual abuse started. I was abused sexually, physically, emotionally by my stepfather from the ages of 4 until about 12. Then I was old enough to fight him off, but the emotional and physical abuse still went on until I left home to go to JR College.

I never went to sleep feeling safe in my house, always trying to stay on guard, always trying to figure out the next time he would strike. He could be very moody and I became very good at living around this unstable person.

I was raped when I was 15 years old by a 27 year old man. I never told any adult about the rape. I did not expect to get help and the fact was like before I felt partially responsible. As a young woman I abused alcohol and sexual relationships to numb my pain. I would also cut myself as a way to numb the pain.

It was not until I was about 25 years old and had moved to another country when I first told my story and it was kind of a surprise to me how people reacted to what I thought was a no big deal. It was long since over and I did not think it had had any effect on me.

I had run away from my home country Iceland and came to America to go to college. My main way to numb my pain was to work hard. I was going to school and working at least 2 part time jobs. I was feeling depressed and after a suggestion from a friend I went and saw a counselor at my school. I was surprised how my friend reacted to what I had shared, insisting that this could be why I was feeling depressed. In that first counseling session with a student therapist I could barely talk I cried so hard. I was shaking to the core and could not believe that I was expressing what had happened to me to a complete stranger who insisted that I should come back and that I did have a very good reason for being upset.

Seeing that counselor was the beginning of my healing journey. That year I – told most of my closest friends what had happened to me as a child. I did feel like I got a range of reaction to it, some felt sad, some felt surprised because they had never seen me show any sign of trouble or unhappiness. I was really good at making people think that I was fine. I kept telling my story – through college, wrote speeches about it, papers about sexual harassment in the workplace – found a number of ways to express what I had kept as a secret for a very long time and with it found that the cloud of shame was lifting a little bit.

I also learned soon the power of telling your story. I got people’s attention, sympathy, acknowledgement for having gone through something so bad. I started to identify more and more with my story, that I had been mistreated and deserved to be treated well and special because of all that I had been through. I did sit in a self help group for about 5 years were I heard others speak about their abusive childhoods and learned how that was affecting their lives. I still did not connect the dots that who I was at the time was a direct result of what I had been through. I had taken on values, believes and behaviors to survive my childhood. It was not who I was or who I am, it was not what I believed or thought was the right way to behave but there I was. The power of sharing my story in a group with other survivors was a powerful way to be acknowledged for that I was not alone and this was never my fault, and I had nothing to be ashamed of. I started to feel better about me.

It was not until I got married that the effects of the trauma, neglect and abuse really became clear. I knew how to keep a clean house (I used to take care of our house growing up and got attention from my mom by cleaning the house and being a good girl) I knew how to work, but intimacy and closeness with my husband and kids was very hard for me, especially with my husband. I always remember when he told me he could not feel my heart and that he longed for a heart connection with me. I was so ashamed, felt broken and stupid. I attacked him verbally and asked for a picture of it or a book to read about it. It was tough at times but with professional help and our commitment to our kids we made it through. I like to share that loving me was like loving a caged animal. I wanted him to love me but if he got to close I would scratch his eyes out. It took me 12 years to trust that this man, that was trying so hard to love me, was here to stay! Our sex life was really hard on both of us; I tried to avoid it and he, pushed for it. For a long time I would cry and curl up like a child after we would make love. Again, with our commitment to each other, professional help and my drive to heal – I can now say that I have untangled the twisted wires of love, sex and shame.

I did not know how to be close to my kids when I had my 2 girls, now age 15 and 11. I kept them clean, fed and organized. I controlled them and told them what to do. They are still in my house and I now know what a heart connection feels like, I even know what it looks like, and I do practice that with my kids and especially the girls that did not get that from me when they were young. With my 5 year old it came easier because I had done a lot of work by the time he was born.

Through telling my story, over and over, and this time around , understanding the human condition of what happens to a child and later adult that is separated from their mother soon after birth and abused by the people that are supposed to love, trust and protect them. What happens is devastating. I grew up telling myself and believing that there is something wrong with me. I must have done something bad for deserving this treatment. I spent an enormous amount of energy trying to figure out what I had done wrong, how I could protect myself and doing what I thought I needed to do so no one would find out.

This time around writing my story, I felt the compassion the sadness, the grief for this child and the things she had to do to survive. I made a choice to start loving this child, protecting it and nurture it the way it should have been, loved, protected and nurtured. Also writing my story this time around made me see what I strong child, magnificent and brilliant child this was. To go through all this and be a relatively healthy, nurturing, productive adult. I was resilient alright!

Now telling my story is not an unmet need but a heartfelt purpose of standing up and creating a safe space for others to share that have the same experience. I believe that if I can change as much as I have, then you can. The choice is of course yours!

The tools that I have used along the way have been many and I listed some of them on the handout – the most important thing that I can do for myself every single day is to love and take care of myself first. Every day I start with a routine of eating breakfast (because of my mother coming to the orphanage to feed me, I expected the people that expressed love to me to feed me really resisting taking care of that for myself), I go for a walk or run and then I take about 1 hr with meditation and journaling. This is what I have to do to feel joy and contentment as I go through my day. I have taken responsibility for myself, my emotional, physical and spiritual well being. When I do, I am grateful for my life and have much to give to my friends and family.

My life is a story, but I am choosing the ending, actually to me it is the beginning. When I chose to see the great things about me, and my life, I became bigger, stronger and full of love. My story today is a spiritual journey and I am very grateful for every single day. From that place of accepting what happened, forgiving myself first, for loving myself first, sharing from the heart, and always holding myself to making the choice of the heart – I know I am being of service.

So to all of you – do tell your story – write it, speak it, sing it, dance it – it is a very important process, it is a rollercoaster ride, with its highs and lows. From this day forward are you choosing the story you want to live? Or are you bringing your past into the future?

One of my favorite quotes is Life is the School, Love is the Lesson. In every moment of every day we have an opportunity to learn about love and unity, when we focus on our pain and sorrow we feel alone and disconnected. When we have faith in ourselves, other people, face our fears and ask for help to overcome our fears, we are changing, not just ourselves but the world around us.

I want to leave you with a couple of quotes –

“The only time your growing is if you’re uncomfortable”. T. Harv Eker

It is time to get out of our comfort zone. This world needs changing.

The next one – and I think that this is what is happening here at this conference.

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” R. Buckminster Fuller.

You can affect way more people to speak up – if you do it first!

So – This is the short version of my life story and how I have healed. Thank you for letting me share and I am happy to answer any questions that you may have. If you would like more information about any of what I spoke about, please send me an email or give me a call. svavabb@gmail.com

Thank you!

Svava Brooks

Svava Brooks – Love is the Lesson! www.speak4change.com

Reccomended books:

These books are helpful to understand the effects of trauma and provide helpful insights and tools on the healing journey. I believe that when we are ready we find the right tool, book and/or teacher.

Book title: Author:

Important study to look up and understand – www.acestudy.org Shows black on white the affects of trauma and neglect.

Recommended healing tools:

· Peer support groups, Ala-non.

· Counselors that are experienced in CSA, trauma and PTSD.

· Inner child work, emotional release work, meditation, lifespan integration, journaling, massage, regular exercise.

· Turn over every stone when it comes to understanding the effects trauma has had on you, your life and your relationships.

· Become an expert in YOU! Understanding your physical, emotional, and spiritual well being. You are unique with your own special needs and talents. Find your true self and you will find your gifts and your purpose.

· Make it your mission to discover your fears and face them. Most of them are not real in the moment fears. They are links from your past that are holding you back.

· Remember – You are enough! You can do this – I believe in you!

The conference in Iceland in May was a great success.  I am very thankful the wonderful speakers that traveled from the states to help us educate Icelanders about the issue of CSA and prevention.  Below is a picture taken at the conference reception hosted by the CPA of Iceland at the end of the conference.  The CPA of Iceland was one of the partners of the conference. Here is a link to the conference site, presentations from the conference and links to interviews with the presenters. http://blattafram.is/displayer.asp?page=270&Article_type=Frettir&p=ASP\Pg270.asp

Conference Sponsors: Government CPA (www.bvs.is) , Blátt Áfram (a non-profit, child sexual abuse prevention organization www.blattafram.is), Reykjavík University (www.RU.is), National Association of Intellectual Disabilities (www.throskahjalp.is), Primary Health Care of the Capital Area (www.heilsugaeslan.is), The emergency telephone number organization 112 (www.112.is), SAFT (www.saft.is) and Vodafone (www.vodafone.is)

On the picture from left to right: Karen, Sigrdiur Bjornsdottir, Svava Bjornsdottir Brooks, Justin Berry, Karen Anderson, Shirley Paceley, Dr. Vincent Felitti and Bragi Gudbrandsson (head of CPA in Iceland)

The objective of the conference is to look at the ways the community can prevent the sexual abuse of children.  When faced with the discussion of sexual abuse, people are often limited to their emotional responses of outrage, fear, anger and denial.  We have a great responsibility as spokespeople to set a good example and discuss it openly.  We do that by drawing attention to the many ways we can learn about and prevent the sexual abuse of children.

Dr. Felitti presented the Ace study.  Before he arrived to Iceland we had sent out a translation of the ACE study questionnaire to about 200 University students.  The outcome or comparison was interesting but not really that surprising.  Abuse and trauma takes place in most countries.

ace-scores-in-us-vs-iceland See for yourself.  I think the impact for the people attending the conference and hearing this from Dr. Felitti himself was amazing.  You can not but sit and wonder after you hear the facts.  The effects of trauma are devestating and long lasting.  Prevention is crucial and it needs to start with early child hood or parenting education.  Here is a copy of the ACE questions.  whats_my_ace_score_questionnaire Also check out www.acestudy.org

If you ever have an opportunity to hear Dr. Felitti speak, you should take it.  I highly recommend it!

Now I am getting ready for the next conference that I am participating in.  Here in San Diego, CA in September.  www.ivatcenter.org I will be presenting on my work in Iceland, doing a video session for Darkness to Light, Stewards of Children prevention training and talking about the process of healing and recovery from CSA.  The last topic is probably what I like the most.  I get to speak from the heart and share my personal experiences about the healing journey.  It has been a tough journey but every single step has been worth it.  I look forward to share with others what has worked for me.  Together we are stronger!

T. Harv Eker:  “The only time you’re growing is if you’re uncomfortable.”   I used this quote when opening the conference in Iceland and asked the participants to remember that it takes courage to address the issue of CSA but the good news is that if you are feeling uncomfortable you are starting to think out of the box or are getting out of your comfort zone.  That is the only way things can change!

What else am I upto these days?  I am reading a long list of books.  Good books.  Really good books.  I keep thinking, whow..this is the best book I have read in a long time, and then another and then another.  Hmmm…I think there is something to be said about when the student is ready the teacher shows up.  That is what I am feeling when I am find myself in awe from learning from these books.  So what are some of these books.  I will post some of them under my favorite but let me start with this one.  Becoming Attached, Robert Karen Ph.D. It took a few months to read but I cried when I was done.  It was really powerful reading for me.

I was placed in an orphanage as an infant for about 6 months or so.  I never even considered that that could have had an impact on me.  So reading this book, opened up an awareness and understanding of how I had taken on some behavior or believes as a very little girl about the world and my place in it.   Long story short it was profound for me to read.  I felt a rush of gratitude for having found this book and the information in it.  My compassion for myself grew and my understanding of why I have struggled with intimacy also grew.  I have communicated this to my husband and we now both feel more compassion for one another based on what we have learned and try to provide what was missing as we grew up as children.  A safe person to attach to!

If you feel like you struggle with being close to people and push people away, even the ones that you know you love and want to be close to, this book is good to read.

I am just going to copy the – save the date announcement in here – so that I don´t have to type that up all over again and if you think you know of someone interested in attending or perhaps speaking (at a future conference) please do not hesitate to contact me at svavabb@gmail.com

For those who don’t know I am a co-founder for a non-profit in Iceland called Blatt afram or straight forward.  www.blattafram.is english  Our mission is to prevent CSA through education and awareness.

Prevention is the best way – Conference in Reykjavík – Iceland, May 15-16, 2008.

Education + discussion = Prevention

Our 3^rd annual conference on child sexual abuse prevention will be held at Reykjavik University in May 2008.

The objective of the conference is to look at the ways the community can prevent the sexual abuse of children.  When faced with the discussion of sexual abuse, people are often limited to their emotional responses of outrage, fear, anger and denial.  We have a great responsibility as spokespeople to set a good example and discuss it openly.  We do that by drawing attention to the many ways we can learn about and prevent the sexual abuse of children. 

Presenters:

Shirley Paceley, trainer, counselor, author and the founder and director of Blue Tower Training Center, which provides training, consultation and resources on an international basis.  She has a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology and 33 years experience working with persons with disabilities.  Shirley has received numerous awards for her work in sexual abuse prevention and intervention for persons with developmental disabilities. For more information about Shirley Paceley, go to www.bluetowertraining.com

Dr. Vincent Felitti, Physician, Department of Preventive Medicine Kaiser Permanente Medical Care Program, San Diego, California.  The ACE Study is an ongoing collaboration between the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Kaiser Permanente.  Led by Co-principal Investigators Robert F. Anda, MD,  MS, and Vincent J. Felitti, MD, the ACE Study is perhaps the largest scientific research study of its kind, analyzing the relationship between multiple categories of childhood trauma (ACEs), and health and behavioral outcomes later in life.  For more information about Dr. Felitti, go to www.acestudy.org

Justin Berry.  At 13, Justin was lured by pedophiles into sexual performances in front of a home webcam.  His story was featured in a front-page article in the New York Times in December, 2005, as well as on Oprah Winfrey, the Today show, Good Morning America and numerous other programs. Justin is now 20 years old. He received the Courage in the Media Award from the International Violence, Abuse and Trauma Conference in San Diego.  For more information about Justin Berry, go to http://justinberry.tv

Conference Sponsors:  Government CPA, Blátt Áfram (a non-profit, child sexual abuse prevention organization), Reykjavík University, National Association of Intellectual Disabilities and more.

The complete conference schedule, once confirmed, will be available online at www.blattafram.is (English/conference).  If you would like more information about the conference, participation or registration please email Svava@blattafram.is