It has been a while. Life gets ahead of me sometimes. I have good intentions but not all gets done. And for me, that is a good thing. I used to use that as an opportunity to be hard on myself, really hard on myself. I plan to share what I am up-to these days. This is just a short list. Planning another conference in Iceland for may 2008, another trip there in February, a few stewards of children trainings in San Diego and Iceland (see presentations) presentations, started a year long training to lead a workshop…Working in one country while living in another is interesting, but something I am very grateful for. To do what I love to do, while living where my family wants to live, makes it the best of both worlds.
What do I have to be thankful for this year? The list is long and it feels good to put it down on paper. First of all I am very thankful for my family, my incredible husband and three beautiful children. We have been married for almost 14 years and that is a miracle. Being married to me has not been easy and I am trying to make up for the hard times now that I look back. OK, he is not perfect but the perfect man for me. The only one that could teach me how to trust men again and to know that I am worth loving. Something I struggled with for a long time.
I am really grateful and proud of myself as a mother. I think my kids are my teachers. They are amazing and so different. I can’t wait to see who they become as adults. Just today someone looked at me with my son and said how great he is, so expressive and funny. He is only four, but yes he is and I am very proud of him.
Other grateful things, I have great friendships with some amazing people. My twin sister (another hard relationship, growing up in abusive household we did not know how to relate to one another, it has been an adventure) my mother-in-law (yes my best friend, hard to believe, but if you only knew her) and of course my husband. My friend Jeanice, meeting again after 10 years apart and it feels like I have always known her. I am rekindling friendships in Iceland that feel very important to me. Friends I have known since grade school. Yes I don’t live there but every-time I am there it feels like I never left. Through my work I am getting to know some amazing people, survivors that have turned their tough lives into lessons of hope, strength, forgiveness and love.
I am thankful for the place we live in. We rent a nice house with a yard with an ocean view. I can not complain at all. It even has flowers everywhere. I knew my prayers had been answered when I saw the yard. I am not a desert person, prefer it green, and lush. So this yard is my meditation. Me and the little one go in the yard and garden when the rest of the family is at school and work.
I am thankful for my spirituality. I am learning a bit now about meditation, power of now, power of intention and the importance of taking care of me first. What I know now is that my life works better for me and everyone else around me when I take good care of me. Sounds silly to some, but feeding this body, exercising consistently and resting has been a huge challenge, hence the struggle with my husband. It is hard to let others love you when you can not love yourself. Turning this into my life’s work is what I have to do for the sake of my kids. They are watching me and doing as I do, not as I say. It has been painful to feel the shame around this issue, but I am on a mission. A mission to release my family from the shame that was handed to me. It stops with me.
I plan to spend Thanksgiving with my family or my husbands family and I am looking forward to it. I love being with them, because I get to be me, I don’t have to be anything else and at this point in my life I am done hanging out with people that don’t want to be authentic and real. It is just too much work. I respect people’s paths but I am starting to discriminate who I let into my life. I don’t have to like everyone nor does everyone have to like me.
I am happy and grateful for all the abundance that I have in my life!
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
